To say that this weekend has been rough is an understatement. My heart is broken.
Yesterday my husband dropped off Elvis at his new home. I initially decided to go with but had a change of heart at the last minute. I couldn’t bear leaving him and driving away without him in our car. I’ve been a mess these last few days, I just hope that this pain and heartache that I feel will begin to heal soon.
I wrote an email to his new owners in which I poured my heart out in hopes that they will understand why I wasn’t there yesterday to wish him well in his new home.
You’re probably wondering why we decided to find him a new home. The main reason is because I found out that I’m allergic to dogs. The secondary reason and the one that breaks my heart (because I was willing to deal with the rash and hives) is, you see, I work nights. And I felt that I wasn’t giving him the life that he deserved. I felt guilty coming home in the morning after a shift and having to go to bed. He would sleep all night and end up sleeping all day with me too. He was a trooper. Never barked and always let me sleep a good day’s sleep.
My heart aches now that he’s not here. But rather than re-write and re-live the emotional memories, I have copied the e-mail I sent to Bernee. I warn you, it’s a sappy letter…
This is Araceli, Cesar’s wife. First and foremost, I want to apologize for not being there yesterday to meet the family and drop off Elvis. When Cesar told me how well the first visit went, I told him I wanted to be there to hand over Elvis to his new family . As the day came closer, I changed my mind and decided it was best if Cesar went alone. I didn’t have the heart to leave my sweet Elvis and drive off without him in our car.
To say that I’m a hot mess is an understatement. My heart is broken. It was a rough last few days with him. Knowing that our hours together were less and less was painful to bear. And it’s been a rough weekend without him here. This morning was especially tough as we realized that we’d never hear the jingle of his dog tag as he walked through the house, and that we’d never see his nose peeking through our bedroom door in the mornings. He was not allowed in our bed due to my allergies, but for some reason on Friday he climbed up there and I found him taking a nap on our bed. I didn’t say anything. I just cherished the moment. I cried like a baby on Thursday as we played together. I think he knew what was coming because he seemed more affectionate than usual and didn’t leave my side all day.
As I cleaned the house today, I cried pretty much the entire time. As I swept away his hairs off the floor and vacuumed the sofa where he slept, I felt as if I was erasing what was left of him in our house. Pretty soon all the hairs will be gone and all that will be left are his pictures on the wall.
There are sweet reminders of him all over the house. A tennis ball behind the basement door, the dirty walls, a paw print on the wall, my chewed up slippers, the chewed up furniture, his soccer ball (he loves to play soccer and is a mean goalie!) and the endless paw prints all over the ice and snow in our backyard. Even the poop. Cesar and I joked that it would be very emotional when we clean it up. I don’t think neither of us wanted to do it alone so we said we’d do it together.
Elvis taught me so much, and for that I will be forever grateful. He taught me what it is to love and be loved unconditionally. He taught me to slow down and enjoy the simple things in life; a walk in the park; an open field to play catch; a car ride to the store; the sunshine streaming through the window; the sound of children walking home from school (he would get so excited and bark because he wanted to go outside and play with them).
Elvis was my everything. But I’m glad he’s in a great new home where he can spread out and have Moe to play with. My only hope is that Elvis’ transition is a smooth one and that he remembers how much we love him.
Cesar said that it might help with my grieving process if I go and visit sometime to meet you and the family. I would very much like that if it’s ok with you and the family.
This is my cellphone number 630.742.xxxx. Feel free to call or text anytime. I’d love to hear from you from time to time to see how Elvis is doing.
I attached a few pictures of Elvis and our shenanigans. The first one is of me and Elvis as I said my goodbye. The one of him in the lawn is my favorite puppy picture of him. There’s Elvis and his first Christmas. Cesar and Elvis on our camping trip last summer at Wisconsin Dells. Elvis taking a nap during a car ride. And the last one is him looking apprehensive about going down the stairs, he didn’t know how to yet.
Please give Elvis a big hug and a kiss for me.